You have so many hopes, so many aspirations. Yet, you live for those around you; for those you love. Not that you’re complaining, because you truly love them, and want to do something in return for all that they’ve done for you. But sometimes you just want to do something for yourself. Problem is, you don’t know what.
When it comes to others, you know what you can – or should – do for them; it’s simple. They want something – you give it to them. But that’s because they know what they want, you don’t. Even if it’s not possible for you to give them something, you try your darnedest, and when you still can’t, then you continue to feel bad about it.
As each day passes, you want something else, you covet something new. Yet, you don’t try to get it, because you’re too scared to try; you’ve already assumed you are going to fail. With others, you don’t feel like that; you don’t feel their failure. Therefore it is easier for you to give them what they want.
You like to see people that you love happy, but what makes you happy? This, what you’re doing now, or something else? Do you like to listen to music, or are you happier when you dance, or perhaps when you read? Or maybe when you write?
Why am I talking about you? Probably for the same reason as I’m afraid to admit that you are a mirror.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
She was scared
She was scared to try out new things,
For she thought she would fail,
She never would have imagined,
That her ship, too, could set sail.
She had lived like a loner,
All her life,
Most of which had been,
Laden with personal strife.
She used to lie to people,
And say she was fine,
When, in reality,
She was always out of line.
She had friends whom she loved,
But she couldn’t tell them that,
And one fine day she found
Herself, alone on the field to bat.
She loved a man, too,
But she didn’t know it,
She thought he wasn’t worth it,
And so she didn’t show it.
Then he was gone,
And she knew it was for best,
But her cruel soul,
Wouldn’t let her rest.
She knows that he now has a life,
Which doesn’t include her,
And the thought hurts so much my friend,
That it makes me shudder.
“Today”, she thought to herself,
“I’ll let it all out,”
“I’ll make myself free somehow,”
As her heart thudded loud.
And she knew she wouldn’t sleep that night,
Not with her heart brimming,
But the ways of the heart are strange for sure,
And soon, she was dreaming!
For she thought she would fail,
She never would have imagined,
That her ship, too, could set sail.
She had lived like a loner,
All her life,
Most of which had been,
Laden with personal strife.
She used to lie to people,
And say she was fine,
When, in reality,
She was always out of line.
She had friends whom she loved,
But she couldn’t tell them that,
And one fine day she found
Herself, alone on the field to bat.
She loved a man, too,
But she didn’t know it,
She thought he wasn’t worth it,
And so she didn’t show it.
Then he was gone,
And she knew it was for best,
But her cruel soul,
Wouldn’t let her rest.
She knows that he now has a life,
Which doesn’t include her,
And the thought hurts so much my friend,
That it makes me shudder.
“Today”, she thought to herself,
“I’ll let it all out,”
“I’ll make myself free somehow,”
As her heart thudded loud.
And she knew she wouldn’t sleep that night,
Not with her heart brimming,
But the ways of the heart are strange for sure,
And soon, she was dreaming!
Dear Diary
Dear Diary,
Today, I spoke to one of my closest friends over the phone after a long, long time. Ours is a story very common, yet unique. We started out the way many people who later become the best of friends do – as enemies. Well, not enemies exactly, but we never got along well. For some reason, he had decided to dislike me and make it known to me that he disliked me! That very often led to bickering amongst us.
We met in junior college, a time when everyone is looking for fresh starts, new friends, boyfriends / girlfriends… we were no different. But this is where the similarity of our relationship with that of many others ends. Because that was one time when we didn’t like the sight of one another, and now is another, when we are very close friends. How it happened, well, neither of us knows, to be very honest (maybe he does, but I certainly don’t). Maybe he realised that I was not the person he really thought I was, which happens when one assumes things about people one doesn’t even know, what you may call prejudice.
So anyway, getting back to the present, after all the good times that we’ve shared, there really haven’t been any bad times – except maybe the times when I thought he was being too insensitive, which I still feel at times, or he thought I was too slow in getting across what I wanted to say, which he still does even today – we’ve reached a point where we don’t need to be in constant touch to know that we’re there for each other, always. Speaking to him today felt really good, as it always does. It brought a smile to my face, like it always does. Sure, he said a lot of things which were absolute rubbish, (which I will fight with him over if he objects, which he will if he ever reads this) but even that felt good to hear, because it’s so him. We chatted for over an hour, and we fought over why I never call him up, which we always do, (lot of ‘always’, I notice) and we flirted, like we always do, both knowing that it was nothing but just a bit of harmless flirting, if there is any such thing. Sure, along the way, we went through a phase where one developed a liking for the other, (I won’t mention who liked who) as is to be expected in any close relationship, and we got over that, because the other person wasn’t ready for it. But now, it seems maybe, just maybe, the other person is ready…
We’ve gone through all of that, and as I’m writing this, for the first time I don’t know how to end this note, which is usually never a problem for me. But again, as I’m writing, a thought strikes me – I don’t know how to end because there is no end. The telephone conversation has ended, but this friendship, not just yet, and as far as I can see, won’t for quite sometime! Amen to that!! So long then, dear diary, take care, get back to you later!!
Today, I spoke to one of my closest friends over the phone after a long, long time. Ours is a story very common, yet unique. We started out the way many people who later become the best of friends do – as enemies. Well, not enemies exactly, but we never got along well. For some reason, he had decided to dislike me and make it known to me that he disliked me! That very often led to bickering amongst us.
We met in junior college, a time when everyone is looking for fresh starts, new friends, boyfriends / girlfriends… we were no different. But this is where the similarity of our relationship with that of many others ends. Because that was one time when we didn’t like the sight of one another, and now is another, when we are very close friends. How it happened, well, neither of us knows, to be very honest (maybe he does, but I certainly don’t). Maybe he realised that I was not the person he really thought I was, which happens when one assumes things about people one doesn’t even know, what you may call prejudice.
So anyway, getting back to the present, after all the good times that we’ve shared, there really haven’t been any bad times – except maybe the times when I thought he was being too insensitive, which I still feel at times, or he thought I was too slow in getting across what I wanted to say, which he still does even today – we’ve reached a point where we don’t need to be in constant touch to know that we’re there for each other, always. Speaking to him today felt really good, as it always does. It brought a smile to my face, like it always does. Sure, he said a lot of things which were absolute rubbish, (which I will fight with him over if he objects, which he will if he ever reads this) but even that felt good to hear, because it’s so him. We chatted for over an hour, and we fought over why I never call him up, which we always do, (lot of ‘always’, I notice) and we flirted, like we always do, both knowing that it was nothing but just a bit of harmless flirting, if there is any such thing. Sure, along the way, we went through a phase where one developed a liking for the other, (I won’t mention who liked who) as is to be expected in any close relationship, and we got over that, because the other person wasn’t ready for it. But now, it seems maybe, just maybe, the other person is ready…
We’ve gone through all of that, and as I’m writing this, for the first time I don’t know how to end this note, which is usually never a problem for me. But again, as I’m writing, a thought strikes me – I don’t know how to end because there is no end. The telephone conversation has ended, but this friendship, not just yet, and as far as I can see, won’t for quite sometime! Amen to that!! So long then, dear diary, take care, get back to you later!!
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