Ladies, I’m So Glad I Know You!

There are several things that help a person bond with another human being. For me, it can be anything from a shared love of reading to passion for dance, sharing travel stories, planning treks, and conversations about writing. There’s another contender on this multitudinous list – food.

For the longest time, men have been known to enjoy food – in terms of quantity and quality. Women, after all, have always been too concerned with their physical appearance to indulge in the Sin that is gluttony. I am so happy though that, stepping down from that unrealistic pedestal, one finds that this couldn’t be further from the truth.

I love food. Everyone (okay, almost everyone) who knows me knows I love food. Sometimes I’m a bit selective about the kinds of food I eat, but barring that little hiccup, I love food. Yes, it’s repetitive, but I just needed to drive that point home.

Singapore is food heaven. It’s also monetary hell. Despite being super expensive, I try to fit into my budget places that I really, really, REALLY want to go to (that list is also endless). And while I have one guy friend who is forever willing to go and try out these places with me, I’m proud to say I know several girls who are ever ready as well.

This post is dedicated to those girls. Girls who like to eat and who appreciate good food. Lately, I have been lucky enough to meet a fair few of them, and it’s made me a happy girl. No longer do I have to worry about where I’m going to find the company to go and eat at a new place (my personal view is that eating alone anywhere other than at home is really sad). I now know exactly whom to call, and these ladies are ever willing to join me. Hell, sometimes they are the ones doing the calling!

Yes, it’s not in the best interest of health or thriftiness, but hey, those are small details that can be taken care of. So men of the world, take note. If you want to impress girls, they are not so different from you. The key to their heart could also be the same as the key to yours – good food.

As for the girls, I really am glad to know you. To more good food, then!

DARK AND STORMY NIGHT RELOADED

It was a dark and stormy night...

No, it wasn’t; I just wanted to get your attention, alright?

Besides, I didn’t want you to be mad,

And get slapped with suits of copyright.

So, it was a bright sunny day,

When I met two young men.

I didn’t add a rhyme there;

Figured they might for it not care.

Two young men in some ways alike,

Their characters to me as funny did strike.

They had a way with words;

They swore and they cursed.

They called each other names,

But mutual admiration they shared.

A poor outsider like me, couldn’t be

One of them even if I dared.

One named the other a looker,

The other called the former a…

Both loved weird cinema;

Watching them discuss it was an operatic drama.

Poor little me

Was stuck in their company.

One was blatant in his mockery, while the other’s

Subtle sarcasm made me want to flee.

But it was late at night

And I couldn’t go home,

So I stayed on,

And held my own.

One a joker,

The other a philosopher;

Amidst them me,

A novice drinker.

They wanted to get me drunk;

Buying me drinks one by one.

But alas, their evil plans did not succeed,

I was high; not dumb.

Then the stormy night

Turned into day.

(I lied; when I met them,

Sunlight indeed was away.)

The night had been interesting;

During its course we discussed,

Issues of movies, women,

Politics and trust.

As day emerged from the night’s loop,

One’s eyelids did begin to droop.

The other still trilled on like a flute;

He was excited about his shoot.

The first time I met them by the river;

This time, I said goodbye on the street.

Both times dusk gave way to dawn,

And I went home, stifling a yawn.

From Bombay Meri Jaan to Mumbai Le Le Jaan

Outrage. Anger. Frustration. Bloodlust. These are just some of the emotions coursing through the veins of every Mumbaikar, or at least every Mumbaikar with a conscience at this point in time. The trigger – the Keenan Santos and Reuben Fernandez incident at Amboli.

For those who are unaware — and I don’t know how that possibly might be true — these two young men were stabbed to death for facing up to hooligans who sexually harassed a girl. The question in everyone’s mind is – how could this possibly happen?

The answer is simple – when people around are so dead within their souls, so mindfuckingly numb to everything but that which concerns them directly, then yes, this is possible. And in this incident one might say that the goons were many in number and were armed, which is why nobody tried to help the two bravehearts. Fine. Answer this, then. A colleague at work told me about this incident which drove the final nail in the coffin of Mumbai’s ‘safe’ status, for me. A few days ago, in a BEST bus (and everyone knows how crowded they can be), a man tried to act fresh with a girl. I don’t know details, but, in response, the girl turned around and slapped him. The bastard slapped the girl so hard, that she flew against the railing behind the driver. If this were not enough, the motherfucker tore apart the girl’s shirt and when she slapped him again, he kept molesting her again and again. And how could this POSSIBLY occur in a local bus full of so-called human beings who are fucking-excuses-for-what-call-themselves MEN? Same reason as the Santos/Fernandez incident could take place. And this was even more shameful, considering it was just ONE son-of-a-fucker who was completely unarmed. So yes, maybe the people on the bus were scared and worried about being safe because they had to think of their families. Well, all the men who were on that bus that day, and I hope at least SOME of you see this, I hope you picture your sisters/mothers/wives/girlfriends/grandmothers in place of that girl the next time you think about the episode. THAT is my curse to you. Now let me know if you can sleep peacefully at night. It seems the girl hurled abuses at the ‘men’ before getting off the bus. She called them eunuchs. I wouldn’t have. Because they were not even human, much less eunuchs. I believe eunuchs would stand up against such injustice. And what were the women doing? My friend (and I was disappointed in her for this) was crying. But why couldn’t a couple of women stand up and beat the fuckhead up? All it would take would be two or maybe three women. What happened to their souls? Are they so dead from all the molesting that they go through that it’s become routine? And so this seemed like nothing out of the blue?

All of these mindnumbing incidents have finally convinced me of something which I had known to be true for a while now, but was trying to forget. Others told me that was not the case, and I tried to believe them. But the fact can no longer be ignored – the city is changing. There’s something evil brewing within it, waiting to spread. And the people — the kind who commit such heinous crimes, as well as the kind who stand by and watch while it happens — are the hosts to this parasite. What they don’t realise is that this parasite is going to infect their lives so badly (and I hope to god that it does), that they will beg to die and not be granted that relief.

So yes, there was a time when I, at age 12, could return home all alone from a class at midnight with not a care in the world. Today, a decade later at 22, I am a bit apprehensive about travelling alone beyond 10/11pm. These incidents condition women to feel lucky if they return safe at night, rather than feel that it’s their right to be safe in this city that is the Mayanagari. The Mayanagari is changing. The sinister underbelly is boiling. And when nobody gives a fucking rat’s ass about it, the temperature only goes up and, those fuckers out on the streets only get bolder.

The Bombay city of dreams is no more. What has been left behind in its place is a dirty, filthy Mumbai that everyone believes is their oyster, that they can do as they choose with it, because clearly, nobody is going to touch them, no matter what their crime. The CM says the goons who harassed the girl and stabbed Keenan and Reuben should be hanged. Well, I will believe it when I see it. Until then, this city will be alien to me, a city that has gone from being the love of our lives, to the city that wants to snatch our lives.

For anyone who can still claim to have a soul, please, do sign up for this petition: SIGN A PETITION FOR ZERO TOLERANCE Petition | GoPetition