The Inability to Stay in Touch

My Facebook feed is flooded with pictures. People getting engaged, people getting married, people having babies. In all of these photos, the persons in question aren’t alone. They are surrounded by loved ones. Family, of course, but also friends.

Back in school, we all had our cliques, some bigger than others. One of the biggest cliques comprised about 15 girls. Many of them were the most popular kids. One would imagine that since there were so many of them, with time, they would fall apart. Boy, was I mistaken.

Over the past 11 years since we’ve been out of school, many of these girls have celebrated milestone occasions such as the ones described above. Amazingly, most, if not all, of the other girls were present for those occasions. Sometimes, it was something much smaller – like a birthday, for instance – that brought these girls together.

And it’s not just them. They stood out because they were so many and yet they managed to come together for each other after all these years (many of them live outside India but amazingly, manage to show up at these events). But there are several other people I have watched over the years, who have managed to hold on to their old friendships. Flying across oceans seemed to be no hindrance to be present at a close friend’s wedding.

And yet, I haven’t been able to do any of these things. I like to think of myself as someone who cares about her friends. A lot. Sometimes more than is good for myself. But a while ago, I realized this was only true in the present. Two years ago, my best friend from school got married. And I didn’t show up for her wedding. Granted, it was a bad time as far as my career was concerned and, had that not been the case I probably would have flown down, but it seems a meagre excuse for a person with whom I once shared such a deep bond.

It’s not just about not showing up. I have been unable to remain in touch with more than two or three people from school. Even those are vague Facebook connections, with not a single phone conversation or even a Skype session shared in the years that I have been overseas. In the early years since leaving school, we made an effort to meet once in a while, but that didn’t last long.

It was the same with other groups. My SDIPA gang, for instance. Yes, we chat over WhatsApp once in a while, but I have no real idea about what’s going on in the lives of all my dance buddies – that is, no real idea besides the “How are you? I’m fine, thanks. And you?”

University was much the same. I’ve stayed well connected with exactly one person from Uni. Yes, one. That was probably more because I needed constant support and someone to bitch to until not too long ago, when I was having a difficult time in life. The rest have faded into the background of sketchy Facebook messages or once in a blue moon WhatsApp messages.

So it really got to me. Am I a terrible person for being unable to stay in touch with anybody for long? That is not to say I don’t devote myself completely to the friendships I have in the present. I do, but once the dynamics of those connections change, usually because of distance, I lose touch. Every single time.

I wonder if some of us are just meant to be like that – wholly present in the here and now, but with nary a trace remaining once out of sight. I don’t know. I don’t know if it makes me a bad person, an uninvolved person, or just… another person.

This is quite a pointless rant. But as I just learnt yesterday, stories don’t necessarily have to have a beginning, middle and end. They can just continue on for as long as we live, because stories are, literally, a slice of life and we keep living them, adding layer upon layer. Every single day.

In ‘La’ La Land!

“Ah, can can can!” That’s basically Singapore for you – where almost everyone is more than happy to help you, even if it means going out of their way to do so. A month in Singa, and it feels familiar already. Considering this is the first time I’ve stepped outside my motherland, I had quite a few (one too many, rather!) concerns about the new place. Would I like it there? What would the people be like? I will miss home! And most importantly, what will I EAT??!!

So, laden with these doubts (and a whole lot of luggage!), my sister and I landed on the Little Red Dot. The first five days were a breeze – sightseeing with sister, staying in a hotel – I felt like the regular tourist. But then the inevitable day finally arrived, when sister left for home and I was finally… alone. Alone in the new land, with no friends and just a few familiar faces.

Yeah, the journey had finally begun. So buckets of tears later, I did what I do best – put on my game face, and busy myself. Emptying my thousands (okay, okay, I exaggerate) of bags, cleaning my room and the rest of the flat, and going around campus – the aim was to be so busy that I wouldn’t have time to think of home.

It worked to a certain extent, and in the meantime, CS played knight in shining armour. I have since met some amazing people via CS, some of whom, I daresay, will remain great friends for the rest of my time here.

These are the wonderful people who made me feel so welcome here in the early days. Starting with the wonderful lady, who, despite not knowing me from Adam (or Eve), invited me to her house for iftar, to another outgoing CSer, who’s plenty helpful and really fun to be around (except for when he randomly gives you a brand new name or makes up stuff as he goes, so much so that you no longer know what’s true and what isn’t), CS has ensured my first month here was fantastic.

And then of course, the inevitable happened – I made friends! They’re a crazy lot, and so helpful, it’s ridiculous. The closest ones (thus far) are Indian, but the entire gamut consists of a motley crew from around the world. And yeah, I couldn’t be happier about that!

Now to what I’ve actually come here for – (ahem) studies. It was ridiculously difficult to make up my mind about what courses to study. Should I stick to what I know? Or go with my initial plan of broadening my horizons and learning new things? But is one year enough to learn something new? What if I screw up and get rubbish grades? Decisions, decisions. But, I finally made up mind and decided to play it safe and take up subjects that I am mostly comfortable with.

One thing I don’t like about this place? How expensive it is! So the job hunt was on in earnest. I took up an internship (entirely unpaid, at that) just to get my name out there, and simultaneously hunted for a part-time job. I went for an interview to a far off place, and applied for on-campus positions as well, but things were taking too long to get in order. Well, not too long, since it’s been only a month, but, you know… Finally, things worked out and I took up a part-time position… at a café! Yes, I’ve become the regular firangi chick. So much so, that I left one job in a week’s time to take up another, which not only paid more, but more importantly, had more flexible hours.

Classes finally started after what seemed like an eternity in Singapore (owing only to how expensive this place is) on August 13, pretty near a month after I landed here! So far, it’s been one scary ride. Some of the subjects seem so alien, I wonder if I even know this field. It’s demoralising at best and depressing at worst. Most frustrating thing is, peers seem to be in a massive hurry to finish all the readings and studying everything that’s been assigned, so the term ‘peer pressure’ has found new meaning for me. But I guess I will survive.

Life outside studies and work has been no less interesting. Going to the mosque paid off (materially). I got invited to a nice lady’s (also from Mumbai!) place for Eid lunch. I guess listening to mom and praying was a good idea. My rewards were sheerkurma and biryani!

And oh, did I mention the most amazing thing? I’ve begun experimenting with cooking! Okay, so maybe not cooking, but ‘putting together’ meals by different permutations and combinations. And they’re not half bad, even if I do say so myself.

CS (and CSers) continues to delight and the inevitable link ups have begun, as is to be expected from Uni life. The important thing I guess is to decide to keep my head screwed on straight and not lose sight of the end goal… the Master’s degree and then a career. But in the meantime, I intend to enjoy my time in Singa and party (even make up for the non-partying days of Ramzan!). And, most importantly, save enough money to travel to all the places I keep adding to my mental bucket list. I will go, I will!

That’s Month 1 in Singa. If things continue the way they’ve been going, I think I wouldn’t mind staying here a long time, lah!

All that is wrong

There are days when you manage to forget everything. All your worries, all your pain. One almost succeeds in convincing oneself that all is well with the world.

But then something happens. Something that reminds us that all isn't really well. It could be a look from a neighbour, a word from a colleague, the silence of a friend, the elusiveness of a best mate - that's all it takes to remind us of all that is wrong in their world; that's all it take to remind of all that is wrong in ours.

Us

What happened

To the eight of Us?

Why are there

So few left to trust?

The first one went,

No one knew for sure why.

It seemed another one of us was the reason,

Though it was denied.

The second one left,

Greener pastures he’d found.

But did that mean he had to quit,

This friendship sound?

The third went too,

His pride being hurt,

Another one of Us was the cause,

This thought did in that person’s mind lurk.

The fourth had

News horizons to explore,

But he’s not really gone;

The hope is that he’ll stick around some more.

The fifth left too,

On a bad note,

Sad though it is,

One of us had yet again rocked the boat.

That leaves just three,

Who need to adjust;

Look beyond the friendships,

Which have turned to dust.

If so many have left

Because of each other,

It may seem like

They’re not meant to be together.

But that is untrue,

For if one leaves due to the other,

The remaining will

Still worry and bother.

But there’ll never be eight again,

And it’s certainly not just,

That now there are only three,

Instead of eight of Us.